So, first of all, thanks for stopping by! I appreciate your time. I hope you have had a better weekend than I have, though mine has been by no means terrible.
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Before I get to the meat of this posting, I would like to get 2 matters resolved.
The first of which is the introduction of my Third Challenge:
Read a Self-Help Book
This one is much more concrete than the previous two and for that I am extremely thankful. Originally I was going to read Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway by Susan Jeffers. This is a book that I have had “used against me” by my mom more times than I can count. Growing up it bordered on a mantra because I was a kid that suffered from a fair amount of fear and anxiety. I won’t go into the details at this point, but I will provide one example. I was afraid of calling people. My own family. My best friend. Anyone. I would get myself so worked up over having to call my best friend to invite her to play that I would give myself mini-panic attacks. I would get the shakes. Have trouble breathing and develop a racing heart. It was awful. So, my mother, in her constant effort to help me grow, would tell me in these moments, “Breath. Now feel the fear and do it anyway.” I won’t say it worked every time, but I can tell you that those 9 words have popped into my head countless times when I needed them. I figure it is time to finally read the book that’s title alone helped shape my life. However, I forgot to borrow my mother’s copy when I was home this weekend. I still plan on reading it, but I don’t want to lose any “Challenge Momentum” by waiting to start this task, so I have decided to read, How Doctors Think by Jerome Groopman, MD. A good friend of mine recently sent it to me and while it may not be a self-help book by a standard definition, I know that it will help me immensely as I continue to live with a chronic illness. I will keep you updated on how the book is and when I finally get crackin on Ms. Jeffer’s book I will let you know what I think of it too. I will close this little section with a quote on the topic of fear and my own related mantra. Both have helped me embrace life more and more.
This one is much more concrete than the previous two and for that I am extremely thankful. Originally I was going to read Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway by Susan Jeffers. This is a book that I have had “used against me” by my mom more times than I can count. Growing up it bordered on a mantra because I was a kid that suffered from a fair amount of fear and anxiety. I won’t go into the details at this point, but I will provide one example. I was afraid of calling people. My own family. My best friend. Anyone. I would get myself so worked up over having to call my best friend to invite her to play that I would give myself mini-panic attacks. I would get the shakes. Have trouble breathing and develop a racing heart. It was awful. So, my mother, in her constant effort to help me grow, would tell me in these moments, “Breath. Now feel the fear and do it anyway.” I won’t say it worked every time, but I can tell you that those 9 words have popped into my head countless times when I needed them. I figure it is time to finally read the book that’s title alone helped shape my life. However, I forgot to borrow my mother’s copy when I was home this weekend. I still plan on reading it, but I don’t want to lose any “Challenge Momentum” by waiting to start this task, so I have decided to read, How Doctors Think by Jerome Groopman, MD. A good friend of mine recently sent it to me and while it may not be a self-help book by a standard definition, I know that it will help me immensely as I continue to live with a chronic illness. I will keep you updated on how the book is and when I finally get crackin on Ms. Jeffer’s book I will let you know what I think of it too. I will close this little section with a quote on the topic of fear and my own related mantra. Both have helped me embrace life more and more.
Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear -not absence of fear. – Mark Twain
Fear is not justification for inaction. – Me? (Unless I stole it from someone else)
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The second short point that I would like to bring up is that My Fair Lady is a charming play in many regards, but has one of the worst endings I can recall seeing. Netflix has tagged the film version as “Feel-Good, Witty”, however I find it depressing and frustrating that she would end up with a man that seems unable to treat her well or demonstrate love. Additionally, “I sold flowers. I didn't sell myself. Now you've made a lady of me, I'm not fit to sell anything else,” has to be one of the most raw and brutal lines in a supposedly up-beat and romantic play or movie I have ever heard. I was supposed to cry or laugh or clap when she returns to Henry Higgins, but all I could do was seethe. I wanted her to get her flower shop and find someone who’s “affection” didn’t closely resemble emotional abuse. Did I miss something?
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I was bound and determined to work out yesterday. In my infinite wisdom I decided to fire up my mom’s treadmill and do some brisk walking. Seems pretty safe right? For anyone but me that is. I have been on this treadmill probably 100 times or more and I have been walking for roughly 25 years now, so this task should have been simple. Unfortunately, and unbeknownst to me, Satan decided to possess it sometime between the last time I used it and yesterday.
So, do you remember watching America’s Funniest Home Videos? Perhaps Bob Saget was the host? Well, I distinctly remember watching that show and laughing at other people’s misfortunes. After yesterday afternoon, I think I have settled up my karma on that one. You know the videos where someone is on a treadmill and then is suddenly on their face? That happened to me. And I can tell you, it did not feel good. Luckily, my only thought in those chaotic seconds were, “Not my beautiful face!”- so I ended up just getting my legs chewed up instead of my nose. Check it out for yourself (and I was wearing pants on the treadmill):
And just in case you were wondering, while hopping around in pain, I was also laughing really hard. Even in real life this sort of incident is funny. Unless you are my mom. :)
This is sorta my excuse for not blogging yesterday, but it also is a great opportunity to tell you about how lucky I am. Yes, lucky to have my leg bleeding and sore.
Why? Because there are few opportunities in life when you can really appreciate the people in your life who care about you. And those little wounds, they ignited a minor skirmish between my mom and her "Sweetheart" over who got to patch me up. When was the last time you witnessed two people fight to help you? Or fight to help anyone for that matter?
I should probably back track a little here to give you a little more context as to why this was so meaningful to me. For some time I have had this mental image of "ultimate care" for another person being to help bandage their metaphorical knees. As if they have struggled so long and gone so far that they can no longer walk. Instead they must crawl to continue on and now they are unable to do even that. And in comes someone to clean their wounds and bandage them up, so that they may continue. An act of love and service at the most basic level, but unfortunately a rare act as well.
So, here I was on a pretty grey afternoon experiencing the literal demonstration of this idea, and people were clamoring to help. While I leapt and the universe did not rise up to meet me, I did have people to help put me back together when I stumbled and fell. In my book that is pretty close, if not better. And at the end of the day, doesn't this sort of look like love?
Today I am sore, but I feel blessed, Teletubby Band-Aids and all. Life is full of precious opportunities for joy and chances to be happy and grateful, if we would just take the time to enjoy them. I aim to spend more time doing so. I just hope I don't need to get hurt every time to make it happen.
P.S. This incident really proved to me that the decision to "Give up on dignity" was a good one. When was the last time you knew someone who got beat up by a treadmill?
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